


they can have their diamonds and we'll have our pearls.

by meandherandthemoon



Series: they can have their diamonds and we'll have our pearls. [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), oliviana - Fandom
Genre: Angst, College, Coming Out, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Past Character Death, Romance, Self-Harm, and maybe some smut idk, nice things and bad things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5301464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meandherandthemoon/pseuds/meandherandthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Diana is new in this town, doesn't really care about what's going on, lost in her own problems, writing songs. Olivia was born and raised in this place, she has the perfect boyfriend, family, life but in the back of her mind she knows something is missing. Their paths cross in the Drama Club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	they can have their diamonds and we'll have our pearls.

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't read the intros, you should read those first for the first chapter to make sense. Thank you so much for reading. <3

 

"No, but really, do I look like someone attending a drama club?" Diana said as she took a step back to show her full body to Alexander.

Poor guy had no idea about how he was being manipulated into wanting that body, so he went along with the conversation, putting his hand on his chin, checked her out.

"Hmm, you look fine to me."

Diana ignored his comment completely. She knew ignoring guys would only make them want more, thanks to Zoey, she had knowledge of this kind of non-sense strategies.

"So, yeah, which part are you going to sing in this one?" She leaned in to him with her whole body, even her breasts were touching his arm.

Alex, with the pressure of sexual insinuation he's been receiving from this complete stranger, tried to answer.

"Uhm," he cleared his throat, showing the lyrics with his finger on the paper, "Starting from 'I want you badly, baby.' "

"Hmmm," Diana was putting everything she had to be this cool, hot girl. Smiling, looking into his eyes with fire in hers, twirling her hair but also trying to keep the distance to make him want more.

As they were talking in the corner, Olivia was trying to listen to Marcel talking about his part but her concentration was all over the place. What were they talking about? Who was this girl? Why were they laughing so much? Why wasn't she jealous enough to go and do something about it?

"Oli, hey," Marcel waved his hand.

"Oh, sorry, yes, what were we talking about?" She pushed her hair away from her eyes and repositioned the lovely flower.

Marcel pointed to Alex and the girl. "What's up with these two?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't even know her but she was kinda rude."

"Well, from here, it looks like she doesn't know you're his girlfriend."

Olivia's thoughts were all messed up. Wasn't she supposed to be angry, jealous? All she felt was confusion because of how emotionless she felt.

So she tried to avoid even thinking about them.

"Yes, Marcel, your question?"

  
Diana checked if the girlfriend was paying attention to them a couple times. She knew what kind of girl she was dealing with. She knew it very well. Zoey's so called friends were just like her. Being pretty. Long, honey colored hair. Looking innocent but hiding a bitch personality behind the looks. The way her hair was falling over her face reminded her of Zoey a little bit. Also the way she was using her hands a lot while talking.

"Hey, you didn't tell me your name." Alex cut through her thoughts and memories of the past, she didn't even realize she was frowning.

She had the right to be angry in every way. Zoey's friends were not very nice to Diana. They completely ignored her existence when she was with them. She remembered the mean looks she got from this girl Madison everytime she tried to say a word. "This is what you gonna wear honey?" Lottie said once when they were going out for a party that Diana really didn't want to go but accepted to come anyway since she didn't have a chance against Zoey's puppy eyes.

"Hello?" Alex insisted.

"Diana." She murmured without even looking at his face. She couldn't take her eyes away from his girlfriend and her mind from the unwanted memories.

"I'm Alexander."

Diana suddenly came back to reality. She had a mission.

"Nice name. Hey can you show me how to sing this part cause I seriously have no idea." But she probably knew how to sing that part a lot better than he did.

"Yeah, sure. Wanna take a seat first?" His smirk was not even subtle looking at Diana's porcelain face.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, in the next club meeting, Diana almost forgot her bet with George Rose.

"What are you doing, sitting here with me?" George asked.

"What?" Diana stuttered.

"Alexander is not here, mate."

Oh, she thought. Yes, Alexander. So she stood up and again, without hesitation walked towards him. And she was feeling extra careless that day so she waved her hand while walking and said loudly, "Alex!"

Alexander's attention completely locked on to her, he moved closer to Diana too. "Diana, hey, what's up?"

"Listen, I tried to sing that part again at home but I just can't do it. I keep going off-tune. What am I gonna do?" She fake pouted.

Alex felt like he was in control. "Come, I'll show you again."

After giving it a couple more shots, Diana failing purposely each time, she sighed.

"I feel like it's getting better but still, maybe we should practice more?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure. After school?"

"Ah.." Diana said with a fake expression of disappointment on her face. "I have something after school but maybe like tonight? At 7?"

Alex may have thought he was in control, but it was clearly Diana pulling the strings of this man puppet. Without even thinking about it for a second, Alex accepted.

Diana ripped the corner of the paper she was holding and wrote down her address, handed it to Alex. "Here."

Alex's grin was giving everything away and not only that but not being able to keep his eyes away from Diana's chest area was another sign that he was completely out of control.

Diana got up and without saying another word she took a couple steps away from him.

Alex, again, impulsively opened his mouth. "What about your mom?"

Diana froze, with her back turned to him, tried not to laugh at his question, loud enough for him to hear she said, "Oh, she's not in town."

And left the classroom.

 

* * *

 

That night, Diana was on the phone with George, trying to figure out what to wear to really draw Alex's attention.

"Why are you asking me about this, honestly?"

"Say something, come on, it's almost 7."

"I don't know, nightdress?"

"What the fuck George, I'm not gonna sleep with him."

George sighed from the other end of the phone. "Please, don't ask me about this stuff again."

"Okay, okay! Fine. Nightdress. See you tomorrow, bye." Diana threw her phone on her bed but it landed somewhere on the ground after bouncing three times.

She threw on a plain gray, long sleeved nightdress she had. Let her hair down and gave it a fix with her hands. Then she heard the doorbell, and went to open it.

Alex was standing there with the same clothes he wore earlier, not being subtle, checked her out from head to toe.

"Welcome, sorry, I was taking a nap." She lied. "Come in."

A couple minutes later they were sitting on the couch, thighs touching, singing the same damn part for the hundredth time.

"Let's take a break, I'm exhausted." Diana said and crossed her legs to reveal more skin. "So, are you working out or something?" She had no idea what was coming out of her mouth, tried to stop herself from giggling at her situation.

"Not really. Well, a couple days a week. I don't really have a schedule for working out."

Diana couldn't care less about this conversation. She was bored, repeating the same part of the same song again and again, purposely failing at it when in reality she was completely able to sing it better than anyone in that class, so she decided to make her move to get this over with.

Trying to reach the water glass which was on the coffee table next to Alex's side, almost her whole body was all over him. Alex felt the tension building up. Their faces were so close, Diana was feeling nothing, but did her best to make it look like she was into him. Alex couldn't stand it anymore so he pushed his lips to Diana's and Diana just went along with it for a couple seconds then suddenly pulled herself back, out of breath,

"So, yeah, the song." She said.

Alex was also breathless and doing his best not to kiss her again even harder. "The song, yeah." He was trying to be serious again but the whole situation was ironically very entertaining for Diana and she couldn't stop herself from bursting a laugh.

Alex didn't know what was going on so he started laughing too and when his phone rang, he answered it without even looking at the name on the screen.

They couldn't stop laughing since now Alex was laughing cluelessly was getting funnier for Diana every second, she had tears in her eyes.

"Alex?" Olivia's voice was shaking. She heard both of them laughing.

Alex's face blanked completely once his girlfriend spoke. Clearing his throat and adjusting his body he tried to answer.

"Yes love?"

"Where are you?" Olivia questioned with a serious tone.

Alex got up and started pacing around the living room, panicking while Diana was watching him, wiping her tears.

Scratching the back of his neck out of nervousness, he said, "I'm going home, why?"

Olivia was emotionless once again. Not surprised at all. Didn't even care about the laughter. "Okay, you didn't text me so I was worried. I'm gonna sleep early tonight, see you, bye."

And like that, she closed the phone.

Alexander's fear easily showed on his face. He didn't know what to do, as if he was under Diana's spell from the first moment they talked and now he finally got his true self back, he realized what just happened and felt terrible about himself and for Olivia.

"What are you trying to do?" He roared to Diana.

Diana was shocked, "Excuse me?"

"What's going on in your twisted mind? I have a girlfriend. You knew that."

"You knew that too."

"Don't play games with me, you bitch."

"Hey, watch your words. It's not like I attacked you. You came here by your own free will, what is wrong with you?"

Alex grabbed his jacket from the table and loudly said, "Don't you ever fuck with me again, go back to your faggot friend, fucking goth."

And he rushed to the door but Diana was not going to let that word go so easily. So she immediately got up and walked to him.

"Say what you want about me, but shut your mouth about George. At least he doesn't cheat on his boyfriends like you do."

Alex ignored her and slammed the door before leaving. She opened it back again and said

"Say hi to your girlfriend for me!" Behind his back and went back to the living room. "And I'm supposed to be the mental one, for fuck's sake." She murmured to herself.

 

* * *

 

The next day, the sun was trying to show its presence through the dark clouds of autumn. Finally, friday. Diana thought while having a smoke with George by the tree at school. They both didn't have class at 9.

"So this twatface called you a bitch?" He took a drag from his cigarette.

"It was so weird, like, one second he was all over me, next he was about to punch me or something."

"Wanker. I'm tellin' ya straight men are weak." He was all heated.

"Yeah, what can you do? At least I get to see their faces every club hour, that's something, eh?"

George laughed.

Diana was people watching again, puffing her cigarette. When the clock hit 9.30, people started to come out from the building and that's when she saw Alex holding his girlfriend's hand, acting like nothing happened but their faces were self-explanatory about the whole situation. She could feel the distance between them from where she was standing.

"Oh wow, definitely wasn't expecting this." Putting emphasis on her last word.

George turned his eyes to the happy couple.

"Oh lord, look at her face."

"I feel sorry for her, she has no idea who's she dating."

"Do you really care?" George asked.

Diana didn't answer, she just shrugged while watching Olivia and Alexander. She dropped her finished cigarette and stepped on it with her boot.

Olivia started questioning herself as she watched Alex walk away. She didn't know what to feel about the situation from the moment when it first began. She knew she loved Alex with all her heart however couldn't stop thinking about why she wasn't jealous enough to even start a fight with Alex. Maybe because she also knew he was not going to leave her but that didn't feel like a good excuse. Not knowing what was happening with her emotions triggered her more and she forced herself to feel jealous because that was the natural thing to do. And her theory worked when she saw the girl who was laughing with her boyfriend last night having a smoke by the tree.

In a flash, she felt like she lost control of her body and with quick steps she moved towards her. Marcel, who she hadn’t even noticed was with her, was struggling to keep up.

Diana wasn't even aware of the petite girl closing in on her, she was chatting with George.

"Excuse me?" Olivia kindly said standing beside her, trying to look threatening with her arms crossed on her chest.

Diana surprised, sarcastically smiled at Olivia's attempt to look minacious. "Yes?" She answered with her raspy voice.

"I don't even know your name but I believe I heard you laughing with my boyfriend when I called him last night in the background."

"Yes, that was me." She said teasingly.

"Care to explain?"

Diana took a deep breath. Marcel and George were watching the scene, being careful not to make a sound.

"Oh, your boyfriend didn't tell you?"

"Can you please stop acting arrogantly and answer my question?" Olivia was impatient.

"Okay." Diana leaned off the tree. and continued, "From my point of view, he should be the one being questioned but if you really wanna know, here it is. Your dear boyfriend Alexander came to my house yesterday, yeah, he did and not only that, he kissed me too. There you have it. And you're still holding his hand, don't you have some self-esteem?"

Olivia felt the cold waves climbing her entire body. She clenched her fists. Not that she was jealous but because she was feeling attacked for being taken for a fool. She didn't know what to say for a moment. Diana took the opportunity to push her nerves harder.

"I'm sorry but I'm sure you know how easy it is to cheat on someone. Sneaking behind their backs. You look all pretty with the flower and everything but girls like you are the most dangerous kind of all. Me? At least I'm being honest."

Marcel and George were all shocked seeing this side of their friends, they looked at each other with baffled faces. Marcel shyly looked away when their eyes met, but George kept his stare a bit longer on him.

"Look, I don't know what you've been through with these dangerous girls you're talking about but believe me, I'm not like you. I never cheated on Alex and I’ve never kissed someone else's boyfriend okay? Maybe you're honest, yes, but that doesn't compensate for your actions. Dear god." Olivia forced herself not to use any bad words.

"Okay, okay. What I did was not nice but it happened, alright? Just deal with it and maybe you're too blind to see it so I'm gonna do you a favor and tell you that your boyfriend is fucking stupid."

Olivia was about to break, it was getting harder to restrain the words that were about to come out of her mouth. "Please just stop trying to come between us. You tried, it didn't work. Now please leave us both alone from now on."

Diana laughed, she couldn't believe how naive this girl was.

"What’s your name?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Diana stared at Marcel because she knew he was going to snap and that's what he did, quietly he said "Olivia."

Olivia viciously turned at Marcel and Marcel took a step back, frightened by her. George giggled quietly. Marcel looked at him, felt embarrassed so he took a step forward this time to show he was not afraid.

"Olivia. What a beautiful name. Look, dear Olivia, I couldn't care less about your relationship. That guy is a dick. That's all I'm gonna say. Believe me or not, that's your choice but why would I lie?"

"Please." Olivia said, denying the whole conversation they just had and walked away.

Marcel stood there for a couple more seconds, didn't know what to do and that's when George asked lifting his head up a little, "What's your name, bud?"

Marcel looked behind to see if he was talking to someone else but no one was there but him. "I'm Marcel."

"Loved the vest." George said, pointing at Marcel's vest.

"Thank you." Marcel blushed. "Uhm, I'm gonna go, see you later." And he followed Olivia's steps back into the building.

Diana pushed George with her shoulder.

"Thought you were into bad guys." She smirked.

"I liked his vest, chill."

 

* * *

 

Both Diana and Olivia's Saturday were going pretty boring. Diana was watching The Office eating a huge Subway sandwich when she got the text from George about a party tonight and she really didn't want to leave the house but George was pretty excited about seeing the football team topless in the pool and since she didn't have anything better to do, she had to say yes.  
Same time, around noon, Olivia didn't feel like going out with Alex so she also stayed home and honestly didn't know what to do so she decided to bother her little sister Sophia and forced her to sit on her bed so she could braid her strawberry hair.

Sophia took her advantage and started whining about this boy at school. Olivia was nodding her head all the time but her mind was somewhere else.

"I heard there was a party tonight, you're not going?" Sophia asked.

"How do you know that?" Olivia was surprised her little sister's knowledge of college parties.

"Felicity is dating a freshman from your college. Your football team won yesterday's match and the captain is throwing a party, dear god, Olivia, you need to know about this stuff."

"Way to go Felicity." Olivia murmured.

"So you're not going?"

"I'll ask Alex, I don't know yet."

"Come on, you should go and tell me about who made out with who."

"Sit straight, please, Soph!"

"I'll let you braid my hair every day if you go to that party and tell me about what Felicity's up to, she didn't even invite any of us. Promise me Oli?"

"Alright, okay and your hair is done. Go check it in the mirror."

 

* * *

 

That night, all of them were at the party. The house wasn’t huge but it was obvious that the guy’s family was rich. They had their own swimming pool in the back yard with some fancy outdoor furniture. Loud house music was banging the windows and walls, girls in bikinis were sitting on the laps of topless frat boys in the shallow side of the pool. Some of the football team members throwing a ball to each other on the grass by the pool and laughing at one of them falling down due to excessive amount of alcohol in their blood. Other people around the house were a group of drunk people, girls who had bad posture because of their high heels but trying to look good since the empty rooms weren’t going to be available for long. A small crowd of brainless young men shotgunning beers and laughing like horses, one of them checking a girl out trying to prove something with the empty can of beer in his hand. Instead of a wall, the living room had huge window-doors facing the pool and they were wide open so the chilly but not harsh breeze of September was flowing in however the group of people dancing in the empty part of the room were already too sweaty to feel the cold. The lights were dim, it was the peak point of the party.

For a reason unknown to her, Olivia didn't feel like Alex's presence was going to be enough for her, so she also called Marcel and asked him to come. Marcel was not the kind of guy to go football team's parties so he took his chonce. Now he was walking around in the house of someone he didn't even know what his name was. Trying to fit into the crowd, Marcel just kept accepting the shots they were giving to him. He just kept going, without shame, almost like he was trying to prove something to himself.

Five shots later, he was completely out of it. Moving around, trying to balance himself, mumbling stuff to empty space. He left the kitchen room and went out to the pool side to get some fresh air and then he saw George Rose lying on a sunbed, smoking, holding a red cup in his other hand, away from the crowd on the grass under a tree, completely left in darkness. The lights coming from the pool were hitting on his face, making blue patterns in the smoke of his cigarette.

With the courage Marcel gained from the alcohol, he went straight to George's side. Judging by the hazy eyes George had, Marcel guessed he was drunk too.

"Oi! Marcel! What a wonderful surprise, c'mere!" George said loudly, his words were unclear but understandable enough for Marcel to obey.

"Hiii! Honestly there are so many boys in this party, like they were all just jumping and jumping and nobody even knew that tonight the moon is looking a lot bigger than usual, don't you think? I mean look at it, it's huge. And like the world is spinning so fast-"

George started laughing hysterically to Marcel's non-sense. Tapping the sunbed, he said, "Come, Marcel, Come. Looks like you have a lot to talk about. Come, let's talk about the moon, come."

With the last word George said very loudly, Marcel didn't even hesitate and just layed beside George Rose, even though the sunbed was too small for the both of them to fit, they managed to be comfortable on it. Though George had to cuddle Marcel a little bit but that didn't seem to bother either of them.

"So, you were talking about the moon, keep going please."

"Oh yeah, yeah, the moon. Look at how biiiiiiig it is. And like, did you ever feel like you're always doing the same stuff every fuckin’ day, like I'm so bored already but now I feel like I'm alive or something. This alcohol thing works purrrrfectly."

"Mate, maaaate, I know exactly how you feel." George took a drag from his cigarette and handed the cup to Marcel. "Feels like you need this more than I do, Marcello."

Marcel took the cup and drank half of it but half of what he thought was in his mouth was all over his clothes. He didn't even notice. George took the cup back and properly drank the rest. Then he started singing very loudly, "NOW THAT I'VE LOST EVERYTHING TO YOUUUU," He raised the arm that was not holding Marcel and started waving it up in the air. Marcel recognized the song immediately and joined George's performance. They both were singing their hearts out.

"YOU SAY YOU WANNA START SOMETHING NEEEW, BUT IT'S BREAKING MY HEART YOU'RE LEAVING..."

George couldn't stop laughing, this was how he was spending his Saturday night but he was enjoying every second of it.

"OOOH, BABY BABY IT'S A WIIIILD WOOORLD," Marcel air drummed the melody but then two tall shadows appeared by their side.

"The only thing missing in this party was fucking gays now we have that too, amazing." He pointed out George and Marcel cuddling on the sunbed. The other blonde guy agreed with his friend.

"Dude, get a room, we don't need a faggot freak show on a Saturday night, christ." Menacingly walked towards them. Marcel didn't know what to do so he just lied there without saying a word however George was not going to be that nice with these two douchebags.

He got up and breathing harshly through his nose, went to the blonde guy and stood against him.

"Fookin' hets trying to ruin mah night, eh? Whaddaya want? Wanna punch me? Cause I'm fockin' gay? Come, mate, you not that scary, bud."

He pushed the guy's chest. Apparently, neither of those two boys were expecting such answer from the leather jacket guy, they were baffled.

"You're crazy man, I'm not gonna deal with this, you can go back to kissing your boyfriend." The first guy said and they walked away laughing.

When George turned back to find Marcel again, he only saw the empty sunbed.

"Shit." He said to himself but the world was spinning before his eyes so instead of looking for him, he just laid down and kept mumbling the words of the song they were singing before the drama. 

 

* * *

 

Diana was by the poolside, drunk like her best friend George, talking with some girl she didn't know. Well, the girl was doing all the talking and Diana was just drinking her beer and nodding her head, making irrelevant comments. All she was thinking about was Zoey again. How could Zoey let her go? All alone. Without even saying anything. She left her drowning in her unsaid words and caged emotions. It was just not fair. The sharp knife of destiny cut through her heart and she felt herself bleed out every night. She drank what was left of her beer and realized she needed to pee so she left the girl all alone talking about her ex-boyfriend and went back in the house.

Olivia was eating crackers in the kitchen, leaning in to Alex's chest but not being too intimate with him during the whole party. That's when her eyes caught Marcel going up the stairs in panic. She decided to follow him, knowing something was wrong. She was not going to let her friend be upset all alone.

On the other side of the room, Diana with the happiness of being able to pee after holding it for so long, was ready to go back outside but when she was walking by the stairs she saw Olivia going upstairs. That moment, she made a decision. She was spending the night pretty bored and very drunk. Alcohol didn't let her think through what she did, she just followed Olivia upstairs, she was pissed seeing Alex in the kitchen, what kind of low self-esteemed girl would still be with someone who cheated on them? She had to let her know. Even though she thought she didn't care, she had to tell her.

Walking up the stairs Olivia realized Marcel was going for the roof. She opened the door that led her to this rooftop, terrace area and she saw Marcel sitting by the ledge with his knees drawn up to his chest. He was not crying, but it was obvious how desperate he was feeling from his face.

"Hey buddy, what's wrong?" She sat beside him.

"Oli, hi." Marcel said very quietly. "Nothing, just, I don't know, Oli."

"You can tell me Marcel." Olivia said and held his hand.

Marcel turned his face to look at Olivia and smiled with a grateful expression.

"Thanks." He took a breath. "I actually don't know. I was with this guy, wow, I don't even know his name. The guy who always hangs with the girl who was all over Alex." Olivia nodded, felt like saying something but she kept her mouth closed. Marcel continued. "And these two guys came out of nowhere and called us faggots and stuff and I didn't know what to do so I just left him with the guys and came here."

"I hate them." Olivia said. "Don't ever let anyone get into your head like this. They don't know how amazing you are and they will never know. They're not that nice, not like us. You do your thing and don't let them get in your way. If you were happy with that guy that's all that matters."

"Yeah, I was happy. I felt like, good. Very happy." Marcel smiled looking at the night sky.

"Then go to him. You're the one who's going to make it happen, don't run away. Those guys aren't even worth mentioning, let alone worrying about them. Just go, it's Saturday night, you're tipsy," She smiled. "And happy. It's a beautiful night to spend with someone who makes you happy."

Marcel, with the confidence he got from Olivia's speech, got up.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks. I'M GOIIING." He yelled skip walking toward the door to go back inside.

Olivia got up too, adjusted her skirt. She loved the feeling of making someone's life better. Putting a smile on someone's pouted face. When she realized how beautiful the sky was that night, a loud noise of door slamming interrupted her.

It was her. Again.

"What are you doing here?" She asked Diana.

"I have something to tell you, you silly girl." Diana said furiously once she stopped in front of Olivia.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend is a dick and if you don't dump him, you're being stupid as fuck."

Olivia realized the cup Diana was holding and how drunk she was. "You're drunk. Please leave me alone, I can't deal with you right now."

Diana was pissed. She took a few steps closer to Olivia. Now they were face to face.

"Your damn boyfriend called me a bitch, my friend a faggot."

Olivia thought she was lying because Alex was not that kind of person. He would nev-

"I know you don't believe me. I know but why would I lie? Think about it. Do you think I care enough to lie?"

"You care enough to come here and bother me about it."

"You're so stupid."

"Don't you have anything to do besides annoying me? What is wrong with you? Are you feeling alone? Are you bored? Tell me what is wrong with you?"

Diana felt anger building up when Olivia mentioned her being alone.

"Yes, I'm alone. At least I'm not holding hands with a cheater shitbag. Stop ignoring me. Why are you so stubborn? You probably can't even admit to yourself that your dear one and only cheated on you. Yes he did, you heard us. He was all over me. If I didn't pull myself back he'd fuck me right there."

Olivia couldn't resist the urge and grabbed Diana's wrist tightly. "You are a skank." She said without even thinking about being rude. And let go of her wrist, walked away and left the rooftop.

Diana was frozen. How could she be so stubborn and stupid? She was probably addicted to her little fake happy world and wasn't going to let anything bad in it. It was easy for Diana to see how people hid their true feelings, since she knew how to do it the best.

She wanted to drink more but she realized her cup was empty, she threw it away, filled her lungs with the fresh, cold air of the beautiful autumn night. Even then, she didn't feel better.

The moon was shining through the leaves of a big tree. She moved a bit to the right to see it in its full glory. The dark spots on the white silky surface reminded her how she feels inside. She felt like the moon was her only friend, the only one who could understand what was going on in her heart.

 _"What am I doing wrong?"_ she whispered and the moment her lips moved, the tears followed her words.

The melody of a song she wrote after kissing Zoey for the first time during a spin the bottle at 1 AM at this random party, was playing repeatedly in her head despite how much she tried to stop it, it didn't go away.

Then she heard the rooftop door opening up and quickly wiped her eyes with her sleeve. A chunky guy approached her.

"Hey, what are you doing here all alone, everyone's having fun downstairs."

"Do I know you?" She asked.

"I don't know you either, love, but you aren't supposed to be here. It's restricted area." He laughed and got closer to Diana, that's when he realized she was drunk, she smelt like beer.

"You're not going to force me to go back in right?" She questioned.

"Of course not." He was being flirty and put his arm around her shoulder. She didn't do anything. So he continued.

"So? Who are you?"

"Diana."

"Cool. I'm Max."

"Nice."

They stood there for awhile in silence. Clearly Max was trying to hit on her and Diana was completely drunk, she was ready to do anything.

"So, this is your house?" She asked.

"Yeah, we won the match yesterday."

Diana was bored and to be honest, she really didn't want to get lost in her thoughts and cry again. So her drunk mind led her words.

"Congrats. Wanna show me around?"

The guy got the cue and smirked.

"Alright, come." He held her hand and Diana followed him downstairs.

She knew she was not going to take a full tour when they were entered a bedroom. While the guy was closing the door behind them Diana just pushed him against it and pressed her lips on his.

The guy held her waist tightly and kissed her back harder. Diana took off her shirt and Max did the same. She pushed him onto the bed and climbed on him. The room was dark and the moonlight was shining on his dark skin, making this scene aesthetically pleasing to the eye. The muffled party music in the background kept going, being the soundtrack of them making out. Diana kept kissing him and then moved her soft lips to his neck and lightly bit the skin while her hands were all over his chest.

When he was ready to turn her over and take his pants off, a ray of light and the sound of the door opening interrupted the darkness. Diana immediately looked at the door and there Olivia was, standing at the doorstep with her mouth hanging open, a blank expression on her face.

All three of them didn't make a move or a sound until Olivia said, "I'm sorry I was looking for the bathroom." and like that she closed the door leaving Diana and Max in the cold darkness of awkwardness.

Olivia stood behind the door she just shut, breathed, tried to understand why she even bothered to take this girl's words seriously. She was going around kissing all the boys she could find and blaming her boyfriend after all that? She went back to find the bathroom still trying to process what she just saw.

In the room, Diana with the blink of an eye, realized how awful things looked like from the outside. _Good job,_ she said to herself before lifting herself up and leaving the guy out of breath and confused, she put her shirt back on and without saying anything left the room.

With quick steps she slipped by the crowd, feeling dirty and not surprisingly all alone again. Why was she doing this? Acting like a slut, burying her thoughts and thinking having sex with a random guy would make her night better and would keep the thoughts away. Now she felt even worse compared to how she was earlier. Touched her lips while pacing towards the poolside, she was disgusted with herself. She didn't even want to kiss him. She didn't even want to touch him. However she did and it was not possible to undo that.

Going to the backyard gate she saw George on the sunbed smoking a cigarette and Marcel sleeping on his chest with George's arm wrapped around him. Even that scene didn't make her feel better so she left the house and drove back home.

2.34 AM, on the empty dark road, as if she was trying to feel worse she put the mix of songs that reminded her of Zoey. She hid it far back in the glove compartment. She didn't even try to hold her tears back, she just let them pour down her pale cheeks. The speakers were blasting an Arctic Monkeys song, she tried to sing along a couple lines.

_"And I can't think of anything to dream about, I can't find anywhere to hide."_

But her tears didn't let her continue.

She arrived to her house, opened the door and rushed into her room. No one was home again, her mom was visiting her grandmother who was sick in their old town. Even though she was all alone in the empty house, Diana closed the door. Left the lights off, sat on her bed and put her head in her hands. Her heart felt like exploding with all the feelings she was trying to deal with. Grinding her teeth, she pushed her nails into her skin as hard as possible.

_You left me. You left me. You left me._

She repeated.

_Why did you do that? Why did you do that? Why did you?_

She was completely lost. All the flashbacks of her last week with the visions of Zoey laughing in the background, all of it, it was too much for her to handle. Why was she doing this? Was she trying to remind herself that she could still feel? She was standing on the line between being completely emotionless and being drowned by an ocean of emotions. She couldn't even figure out who she was. None of it felt right. None of what happened to her, none of what she did. She felt caged by her extreme feelings. Couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop her mind. Her mouth was mumbling and stuttering words repeatedly but she wasn't even listening to it. Her sight was blurry when she looked outside her window and the teardrops rolled on and on and dropped down from her chin. Her pain was not going away with the tears. So she got up and went to the bathroom, with shaking hands she found the spare razor in the cabinet, rushed back to her room, slammed the door.

She sat on the floor by her bed, became as small as possible with her legs pulled up to her chest. Didn't even try to wipe her eyes.

_I'm a terrible person. That girl didn't deserve it. Without me, they would be okay. They would be fine._

She rolled up her sleeve and without hesitating pressed the sharp edge of the razor on her white skin. Her hands were shaking, her sight was still blurry but the crimson red spreading on her arm was visible. She felt the physical pain but it was still not even close to her mental suffering. She had to keep doing it until her physical pain suppressed her feelings. One stripe, two stripes, three, four... And she was still talking to herself intermittently, _why, why?_

When she was on her sixth, she was quietly groaning with pain but she was not crying anymore, her face was blank, her eyes were still wet but also empty with a hint of determination, looking at the cuts on her arm and how the blood was coming out from the lines like little raindrops, how they were getting bigger and after that, how they were running down her wrist. She put the razor on her lap, watched the dark ruby colored liquid for a while, she was still shaking but not mumbling anymore.

For almost fifteen minutes she kept watching, there was nothing in her head. Emptiness. Then she rested her head by the bed's edge and looked outside the window, silver moon was shining, looking back at her. They stared at each other, in darkness, in silence and finally far away from emotions.


End file.
